Out with the old
New Year is the holiday that I dislike the most. I think it's just symbolic (Chinese have a different new year) and nothing really drastically changes during this day but somehow the sunset is different today. The feeling I associate with this day is that of getting used to something/someone/some place and then suddenly relocating and leaving everyone and everything you know. I'm particularly terrified of 2006.
2006 means a lot of changes AND challenges at work especially given the re-org that has happened at the office plus some other stuff.. And this year will also be witness to the big decisions that I really have to make. Major decision to be made: MBA. Can't put this off any longer.
I wanted to take a picture of the sunset today so I walked to the park and lagoon in front of our house. It was completely devoid of people unlike other days when I used to meet kids with dogs or couples jogging. Everyone's busy preparing for Medya Noche which will be in a couple of hours from now. I wanted to go to the bridge to take a photo so I was walking along the path, alone with the silence and my thoughts. I felt afraid and it was the first time that I've really acknowledged this fear. I've kept this thoughts at the back of my mind, but in the past couple of weeks they've been nudging me wanting to come out. You may say that I'm overacting or being overly dramatic but as someone who's reluctant, even resistant to change and a bit insecure, the gravity of what may and is to happen these coming days is a heavy weight on the mind.
I was just walking and thinking and walking and thinking, and I noticed the phenomenon travelers experience: The journey towards the destination is longer than the trek back. I guess because of the unknowns that you encounter and are anticipating it seems longer. You're not exactly sure when your walk will end, where it will end, and what you'll see there. Sometimes the excited anticipation also adds to that since you want to get there at once and just skip everything. You may also want to stop and savour the scenery and wonderful discovery of what's on your path. Now the way back on the other hand may be easier because you know what landmarks or signs to look for that signals that you're near or that you're finally back home.
Most often than not, it's hard for me to take that first step. I usually anticipate things that may happen that sometimes border on the ridiculous, but I've come to know myself better over the years. That step may be the most difficult for me, but once I throw myself in the middle of things and not give myself time to think I manage. And recluctant as I may seem at first, I always do enjoy the ride.
So yeah, I think I'll be OK.
7:53PM
2006 means a lot of changes AND challenges at work especially given the re-org that has happened at the office plus some other stuff.. And this year will also be witness to the big decisions that I really have to make. Major decision to be made: MBA. Can't put this off any longer.
I wanted to take a picture of the sunset today so I walked to the park and lagoon in front of our house. It was completely devoid of people unlike other days when I used to meet kids with dogs or couples jogging. Everyone's busy preparing for Medya Noche which will be in a couple of hours from now. I wanted to go to the bridge to take a photo so I was walking along the path, alone with the silence and my thoughts. I felt afraid and it was the first time that I've really acknowledged this fear. I've kept this thoughts at the back of my mind, but in the past couple of weeks they've been nudging me wanting to come out. You may say that I'm overacting or being overly dramatic but as someone who's reluctant, even resistant to change and a bit insecure, the gravity of what may and is to happen these coming days is a heavy weight on the mind.
I was just walking and thinking and walking and thinking, and I noticed the phenomenon travelers experience: The journey towards the destination is longer than the trek back. I guess because of the unknowns that you encounter and are anticipating it seems longer. You're not exactly sure when your walk will end, where it will end, and what you'll see there. Sometimes the excited anticipation also adds to that since you want to get there at once and just skip everything. You may also want to stop and savour the scenery and wonderful discovery of what's on your path. Now the way back on the other hand may be easier because you know what landmarks or signs to look for that signals that you're near or that you're finally back home.
Most often than not, it's hard for me to take that first step. I usually anticipate things that may happen that sometimes border on the ridiculous, but I've come to know myself better over the years. That step may be the most difficult for me, but once I throw myself in the middle of things and not give myself time to think I manage. And recluctant as I may seem at first, I always do enjoy the ride.
So yeah, I think I'll be OK.
7:53PM
posted by mela at 7:53 PM
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