Christmas '04

Opening of gifts, Christmas day 2004

We celebrate Christmas with my dad's family every 25th. The celebration was quite different this year. For one, this is our first Christmas without Mama, our grandmother :( When we got to Alabang, Chicco (my brother), Vince, and I just dropped off the food first at Tito Quitoy's house so we could visit the crypt of Papa and Mama and greet them. When we got to the house we saw them watching home videos of past Christmases and birthdays (my tito loved taking videos and when my cousins and I got older, we were surprised that he had a collection starting when we were babies!). Almost everyone was emotional when Mama came on the screen. *Sigh*

The other thing that was different was my mom and dad couldn't come with us. My mom had this terrible tummyache so o my dad decided to just stay with her at home.

The last difference is that all the cousins, with the exception of Jodee who's 5 years old, are a lot more "older" (there are 16 of us). When Jodee began insisting to her mom that we start opening the gifts, it started me thinking. Is Christmas really just for the kids? Is it because of the presents that as we grow older we get less of them and then together with that we feel Christmas less? This was the first time that all the cousins weren't that excited to all troop to the living room, sit on the floor under the tree and then just rip open all the wrapping paper off the gifts. I don't feel bad about getting less presents but it's more of missing the excitement of the kids and seeing the parents' going up the stairs to get the best angle for pictures. I also miss Tita Beth's OC-ness because she picks up the torn wrapping paper before they even hit the floor.

Our celebrations evolve every year. When my Papa was alive and we were all younger, we used to go to Tito Quitoy's house early in the day to have lunch, merienda, and dinner. We literally were together whole Christmas day. We used to have games and Papa always gives the cash prizes :) Game were more fun because all the parents joined!! We have these really funny videos of that. And then when Papa left us, we stopped having the games. And then when Mama died January of this year, everything was different again. Now we just met for Christmas dinner.

In our Christmas eve celebration here at home I try to let everyone feel the spirit. Christmas mass is important and you feel that the mass is really special that night. After noche buena, I'm the one shepherding everyone to the lanai to have everyone's pictures taken under the tree. I'm also quite strict in making sure that we open our gifts at exactly 12 midnight. It feels like I'm the only one excited about this special night but like all grown-ups I guess, I'm finding it hard to let the season sink in because of all the work and the rushing and the deadlines. I'm also feeling the season less every year but I'm not letting go of Christmas without a fight!