The world is not such a nice place after all
26 and still completely clueless. A wonderful life-changing event happened to me yesterday and for the first 5 mins I was: 1. overwhelmed 2. full of disbelief 3. really really excited. My hands were clammy, my heart was beating fast and I was tremendously happy. What could have gone wrong? In a span of a few hours, the feeling drastically shifted. Instead of being 100% happy, there was the introduction of an element of sadness :-<
Does being the minority make you wrong? It seems like I'm the only one who doesn't get it and it's getting to a point that I'm really embarrassed with myself. Is there something wrong with me? Releasing me to the world is like throwing me to a pack of wolves. Can I survive?
And then there's this "other" thing. Giving people the benefit of a doubt and always looking for something good in them may be the wrong approach. I'm not expecting everybody to like me or like my style but I think I deserve respect and the benefit of a doubt that I'm, and it seems like so generously, giving. All my life I've refrained from saying something, always thinking twice and even thrice and most often than not I don't get to say what's on my mind just so I don't get to hurt others.
I understand our differences but I hope "he" also understands these. Why do we have to be the ones to adjust? This is a totally nonsensical paragraph. All I want to get out of my chest is: I was embarrassed. And I hate myself for believing what was said for a moment and doubting myself. And I'm angry for pretending to take everything in stride when in reality I wasn't ok.
But then there are those people who at the onset you felt an affinity with despite everything you've heard, and it turns out you were right all along. And that's what makes the difference.
These past 2 days have been eye-openers for me. Let's see if the effects are lasting.
To stay naive or to become jaded...
(From the bottom of my heart I am really thankful to a few people who I've been lucky to have crossed paths with. These relationships have gone 4 years back when I was still that lost, young yuppie and my heart is just bursting with gratitude and at the same time fear should I let these people down)
Does being the minority make you wrong? It seems like I'm the only one who doesn't get it and it's getting to a point that I'm really embarrassed with myself. Is there something wrong with me? Releasing me to the world is like throwing me to a pack of wolves. Can I survive?
And then there's this "other" thing. Giving people the benefit of a doubt and always looking for something good in them may be the wrong approach. I'm not expecting everybody to like me or like my style but I think I deserve respect and the benefit of a doubt that I'm, and it seems like so generously, giving. All my life I've refrained from saying something, always thinking twice and even thrice and most often than not I don't get to say what's on my mind just so I don't get to hurt others.
I understand our differences but I hope "he" also understands these. Why do we have to be the ones to adjust? This is a totally nonsensical paragraph. All I want to get out of my chest is: I was embarrassed. And I hate myself for believing what was said for a moment and doubting myself. And I'm angry for pretending to take everything in stride when in reality I wasn't ok.
But then there are those people who at the onset you felt an affinity with despite everything you've heard, and it turns out you were right all along. And that's what makes the difference.
These past 2 days have been eye-openers for me. Let's see if the effects are lasting.
To stay naive or to become jaded...
(From the bottom of my heart I am really thankful to a few people who I've been lucky to have crossed paths with. These relationships have gone 4 years back when I was still that lost, young yuppie and my heart is just bursting with gratitude and at the same time fear should I let these people down)
posted by mela at 10:19 PM
1 Comments:
despite all that have happened (indeed so much when "since then" is barely half a week), i'm am thankful for the following:
1. having experienced this "wonderful life-changing event" with you and "direk"
2. knowing that "they" (even without the "he") recognize the value of our work
3. realizing that the reassurance of the majority (particularly of the people closest to us) is more important that the opinion of one
congratulations!!=D
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