Out with the old

New Year is the holiday that I dislike the most. I think it's just symbolic (Chinese have a different new year) and nothing really drastically changes during this day but somehow the sunset is different today. The feeling I associate with this day is that of getting used to something/someone/some place and then suddenly relocating and leaving everyone and everything you know. I'm particularly terrified of 2006.

2006 means a lot of changes AND challenges at work especially given the re-org that has happened at the office plus some other stuff.. And this year will also be witness to the big decisions that I really have to make. Major decision to be made: MBA. Can't put this off any longer.

I wanted to take a picture of the sunset today so I walked to the park and lagoon in front of our house. It was completely devoid of people unlike other days when I used to meet kids with dogs or couples jogging. Everyone's busy preparing for Medya Noche which will be in a couple of hours from now. I wanted to go to the bridge to take a photo so I was walking along the path, alone with the silence and my thoughts. I felt afraid and it was the first time that I've really acknowledged this fear. I've kept this thoughts at the back of my mind, but in the past couple of weeks they've been nudging me wanting to come out. You may say that I'm overacting or being overly dramatic but as someone who's reluctant, even resistant to change and a bit insecure, the gravity of what may and is to happen these coming days is a heavy weight on the mind.

I was just walking and thinking and walking and thinking, and I noticed the phenomenon travelers experience: The journey towards the destination is longer than the trek back. I guess because of the unknowns that you encounter and are anticipating it seems longer. You're not exactly sure when your walk will end, where it will end, and what you'll see there. Sometimes the excited anticipation also adds to that since you want to get there at once and just skip everything. You may also want to stop and savour the scenery and wonderful discovery of what's on your path. Now the way back on the other hand may be easier because you know what landmarks or signs to look for that signals that you're near or that you're finally back home.

Most often than not, it's hard for me to take that first step. I usually anticipate things that may happen that sometimes border on the ridiculous, but I've come to know myself better over the years. That step may be the most difficult for me, but once I throw myself in the middle of things and not give myself time to think I manage. And recluctant as I may seem at first, I always do enjoy the ride.

So yeah, I think I'll be OK.

7:53PM

If God asked me what I wanted for Christmas I would have said the gift of writing. I would have loved for just the right words to come easily and to flow from my mind to paper or blog for that matter. I wish I could share my thoughts in an organized and cohesive manner when writing. Oh and I also wish I could use big words as easily as others do :p One of the writers I admire most is my kuya, the eldest cousin in my mom's side. He's the most intelligent, talented, and gifted person I know and he doesn't come across as condescending or stuck-up unlike some of the smart people I've met. He has this long list of accomplishments plus being the eldest elevates him in a younger cousin's eyes.

I used to be with the school paper back in grade school and high school, at the insistence of my mom. I think she thought that I could write really well given that I loved reading. And being a mom of course, blinded her into believing that her daughter can do just about anything and be good at it :p What I discovered during my stints as a writer was that I can churn out good articles as the deadline approaches but I hated, absoultely HATED deadlines. I swore then that I would never ever get a job that involved timelines and look where I am now. I'm a Project Manager and this is synonymous with the words timeline and launch.

Anyways I've digressed. What am I driving at with my wish. I would really really really want to get into a good business school in the States. I'm going to start with my applications soon and from what I've researched on the Net and from the small gatherings that I've attended sponsored by some schools, essays are a big part not only of their reviews and evaluations but also of the GMAT. So expect more entries in this blog as I "practice" and hone my writing skills. Hahaha!

Merry Christmas!

2 more days til Christmas

Still at the office. Vince got stuck in traffic so I'm just here waiting. We're supposed to go to Shangri-La to buy my last minute gifts...as usual :p At least it's not as bad as last year when I had to go to the mall on the 24th to find more gifts :p

Everyone here at the office is on vacation mode for almost 2 weeks already. Haha! Our foreign partners are having a difficult time getting anything from us. First of all it's network freeze (can't do anything with the systems anymore until next year) and everyone's busy going from one department to another distributing gifts. Lunch is now an hour hour longer -- meaning it used to be 2 hours now it's 3.

I'm really excited this year. It's like I'm back to being a kid again...first time in AGES since I've felt the Christmas spirit and felt really excited. Not sure if it's because I've been buying new decors and decorating our new house or I've just been so caught up with work these "ber" months that I haven't had time to dwell and soak in the Christmas season. My theory why in the past years I haven't experienced that great spirit is because I started to get excited in September so that by December all my reserves have been used up. Hahaha!

Christmas this year is both happy and sad. My 2 dogs went to heaven 2 weeks ago - Muffy and Maggie. Maggie died on a Saturday while Muffy passed away Monday at 730am as I was on my way out of the house. I cried all the way to the office so my eyes were all red and puffy. I held back my tears as I went in our area but April got so alarmed that she asked me what was wrong. I ran all the way to my area and cried on April's shoulder. Wow, the drama! Hahaha! Got really so affected with Muffy's death, so much so that when Vince and I watched King Kong the other day, I cried my eyes out only 1 hour through the movie until the end (the film was 3 hours long) because Kong's eyes reminded me so much of Muffy :(

Next update: I've finally booked ourselves in Shanghai for March next year. We're going to stay in a resort about an hour away from the city. I'm really really hoping that I can fix Papo's (my ever faithful and very much loved yaya) passport and visa so I can bring Papo with us. Sooo excited.

Since I'm so into the holidays right now, let me list some of my Christmas pet peeves:

1. replacing Christ with X thus making the greeting Merry Xmas instead of Merry Christmas the way that it's supposed to be. People are effectively removing Christ in the season when in fact it is HIS birthday.

2. related to number 1 - I saw one of my company's content partners' gift card. They used the name of their company to replace the X in Merry Xmas (as their intials sounds like X)! The gall! Committing 2 sins in a single greeting!

3. being greeted with Happy Holidays. Is that what the season is reduced to? A holiday?!