In which we mostly talk about names...

I've been asked 'who named you' and 'what does Carmela mean' but never 'WHERE does Carmela come from?' One of our content partners (CP) in India came over yesterday. We were in the middle of testing an application and troubleshooting when he suddenly asked that question. I guess I had this blank look on my face because he repeated the question and then I guess to clarify the question he asked 'what is Carmela'? That even made it more malabo for me. There are a lot of answers to that...I'm a Carmela, Carmela is a person, blah blah. We maybe spent about 10mins discussing this and from that 10mins I learned something new about a culture.

This Indian CP (let's call him R) of ours has another partner whom I've also met a couple of times. This other partner is Canadian (lets call him S). It seems that my name has been the cause of confusion and discussion also between them. Apparently S has been asking and arguing with R as to why he calls me Carmela. R countered and asked him why he was calling me Ana. For the benefit of those who don't know me, my full name is Ana Carmela C. Gomez. Anyway, R answered that that is my name. S said that no, that's her middle name. Aaaahhh...therein the confusion lies.

The confusion is in the terminology. In the Philippines when we say middle name we mean our mothers' maiden names. So my middle name is Co since that's my mom's last name before. Apparently in India (I don't know if this is also applicable in other parts of the world) the middle name is optional. A middle name can be Stephen or John or Albert, R explained. R's middle name is his father's first name. So I was nodding my head because it made sense but then get this - in some groups in India a wife's middle name is her husband's first name!!!! So if you're name is Stephanie and you decide to marry a guy named Edwin Santos your name will be Stephanie Edwin Santos. That's weird!

Anyways, this is what I like about my job the most. Working and conversing with people from different cultures and different countries. So far I've met with Americans, Israelis, Indians, Singaporeans, Japanese, Chinese. It would be better though if I get sent to those countries also. Hehehe!

busy 'til the end of time

That's my ym status. I think it should be 'busy forever and a day.' I cannot believe how expectations can change and increase a thousand fold overnight! Small mistakes are magnified and I'm living in a perpetual state of stress. To quote Uncle Ben: 'with great power comes great responsibility.'

Can I give it back? :(

Pride & Joy

I love this playset! Vince asked me if I ever had a dollhouse when I was little. I said nope and he commented 'ahh..that's why'. I was really super excited and engrossed in arranging the kitchen :p I waited for a year for our house to be completed so I can open and display this :D

Cousins' night out

almost all cousins and "friends"

me and ate nins

malen & ryan

tito eric & the boys

chicco and meggy

We're staying the night at our new house in Laguna. We haven't finished furnishing it yet but at least we have dozens of couches to sleep on tonight :p It's so "steady" here - super since we're the only ones here on our street, I think. Feels like we're on the beach..Cafe del Mar songs playing from the iPod and beer flowing in the lanai :D

Sooo funny. After returning home from dinner, Vince saw a cat run across the living room!! Eeek! My mom was ranting on and on and on since my dad left one of the sliding doors open. My brother was teasing my mom..."thank you daw sabi nung pusa" and "ang ganda daw ng bahay." Bwahaha! And then my mom suddenly noticed that the KFC meal she was saving for tomorrow got eaten by the cat! :P Told my mom that the cat rushed to his friends and told them of the open house on our street serving chicken :p

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GREAT!! I published a post, saw the confirmation page but NO POST!! AARRRGGHH!!

Testing again. I'm super overly hungry! Just had popcorn and raspberry tea tonight during the movie. We watched The Constant Gardener. At the start of the movie I was really irritated with Rachel Weisz's character - she was getting in the bad guys' nerves but she was also getting into mine :p Other comment on the movie is I'm not really sure what type of movie it was. Was it drama, thriller, mystery, art? The cinematography was a little weird for me because it was like great on an artsy film but not for a mystery/drama/thriller/whatever.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hungry!!!!

Anyways, reading through blogs again. For the past couple of days I found really quality blogs which made me an instant regular reader. Mostly these are models' blogs and we know how they lead exciting AND normal lives :) They constantly blog about going to this country or moving wherever and I find myself trying to imagine being in their shoes. Not modeling but traveling. Some are really so young but so very lucky to have opportunities to live on their own in a different country. I'm also thinking if their parents know their boyfriends are staying in their pads :p Anyways, this is starting to sound non-sensical. I just wanted to blog about the feelings evoked while reading through these online journals. I miss Europe! How I would love to travel and see the world...alone. Want to experience everything on my own and try to see if I survive 3 mins out there. Haha!

I think this entry is somehow connected to my last entry :) Anyways, I'll try to sleep off my hunger. I want to go back to my diet but the past couple of days have been really hectic so I've been stress-eating. EEK!

3 reasons why I'm still awake at 11:44pm when my usual bedtime is at 10-1030:

1. I have indigestion, uughh...
2. to cure my indigestion I drank tea. Problem is I'm already out of jasmine tea and I only have Tazo English Breakfast tea. I think they call this the "Awake" tea at Starbucks. Bad choice
3. I'm testing an application which was supposed to be due for testing last week. The content provider and I only got it to work late this afternoon. Gosh...

So here I am, typing away in the middle of the night. Good news is I think the tea cured me. Anyway the content provider I'm coordinating with is out for his jog. He lives in another continent so I kinda have to adjust to his time to get things done and working. I'm just waiting for him to return so we can get started on the new bugs I encountered. Earlier today at work I couldn't wait to get home - to do what? Work?! I've been surfing while waiting and I encountered this tagline:

"Overime pays you more because of what you miss"

How true is that?! So now I've adopted that line as my guiding principle (even though I don't get paid overtime anymore). I even went as far as making it my status message on YM. Hahaha! I've experienced working on family memebers' birthdays, Holy Week (bad!), and other special occasions. I don't know how to change my priorities and learn how to de-stress. On one hand it's "trabaho lang yan" but on the other it's personal. My work and the results I produce reflect who I am so I can't just leave it be. And it's like, in every organization I join I feel this urge to defend and protect it...I become really attached so it's never only work for me. Hard to explain.

Anyway, where else has my surfing taken me tonight...well, I decided to visit my profile in the United Nations website. I've been wanting to try to find a job there. I know that eventually I'll be following a humanitarian track so I decided to try my luck. I never imagined how hard it is to join an organization to help mankind :P Reading through the qualifications, they're really after brilliant people and not just idealistic eager beavers that are willing to be thrown to wherever far flung place :p Going through the qualifications made me feel as if my 5 years of experience are worthless. Oh well. Maybe I just need to put in good references. Haha! :p

Earlier at lunch today Anne and I were discussing the future. Anne's husband accepted a job in Austria and it's just a matter of time before Anne joins him. Boo hoo! It got us discussing her/their plans and my plans. I do plan to study and work abroad for a while but Philippines is where my heart is...despite all the negative things happening now.

Being single and having the time and the world at the palm of your hand is positive and exciting, but at the same time it's stressful, it comes bundled with a lot of pressure and a few disadvantages. Just having to think and worry about yourself (where to study, what to study, what country you can apply as immigrant -- you literally have hundreds of nations to choose from) is advantageous because that's basically it -- you don't have to worry or think about anyone else.

• Some pressure is taken off your shoulders because you need not worry about feeding or clothing someone -- just watch Cinderella Man and you'll understand.
• If you choose to study and work in Africa, you don't have to uproot other individuals to go with you
• You don't need to discuss or explain your choice to anyone (this is not applicable to parents..)

That's why the advice usually given to me is to start and do all the things I want to do while I'm still single. Disadvantage for me: I think too hard and I get overwhelmed by all the choices I have.

Now being married and having decisions dependent on another is a good thing too. It pushes you to do things and then you just will yourself to succeed wherever that takes you. So, I do envy Anne. Sometimes the decision just has to be made for you to get your butt off the floor and drive you to places or things you only dreamed of visiting and doing.

The world is not such a nice place after all

26 and still completely clueless. A wonderful life-changing event happened to me yesterday and for the first 5 mins I was: 1. overwhelmed 2. full of disbelief 3. really really excited. My hands were clammy, my heart was beating fast and I was tremendously happy. What could have gone wrong? In a span of a few hours, the feeling drastically shifted. Instead of being 100% happy, there was the introduction of an element of sadness :-<

Does being the minority make you wrong? It seems like I'm the only one who doesn't get it and it's getting to a point that I'm really embarrassed with myself. Is there something wrong with me? Releasing me to the world is like throwing me to a pack of wolves. Can I survive?

And then there's this "other" thing. Giving people the benefit of a doubt and always looking for something good in them may be the wrong approach. I'm not expecting everybody to like me or like my style but I think I deserve respect and the benefit of a doubt that I'm, and it seems like so generously, giving. All my life I've refrained from saying something, always thinking twice and even thrice and most often than not I don't get to say what's on my mind just so I don't get to hurt others.

I understand our differences but I hope "he" also understands these. Why do we have to be the ones to adjust? This is a totally nonsensical paragraph. All I want to get out of my chest is: I was embarrassed. And I hate myself for believing what was said for a moment and doubting myself. And I'm angry for pretending to take everything in stride when in reality I wasn't ok.

But then there are those people who at the onset you felt an affinity with despite everything you've heard, and it turns out you were right all along. And that's what makes the difference.

These past 2 days have been eye-openers for me. Let's see if the effects are lasting.

To stay naive or to become jaded...

(From the bottom of my heart I am really thankful to a few people who I've been lucky to have crossed paths with. These relationships have gone 4 years back when I was still that lost, young yuppie and my heart is just bursting with gratitude and at the same time fear should I let these people down)